Day 1 of 365

I generally don’t make resolutions.  Not because I don’t think it’s a good tradition, but because I’m generally partying too hard with friends to care about making some resolution aimed at making me a better person.  And in my usual state of bliss while partying, there is nothing I deem that necessary to make ‘better’. 

Well this year is different.

For once, the always popular ‘party girl’ stayed home alone on NYE and was asleep shortly after midnight.  And in my solitary, I thought a lot about the last year.  At first glance I would have said that 2014 was not a very good year for me, as it was far overshadowed by the amazing 2013 I had; however, in retrospect it taught me a lot of things to which I can only be grateful. 

“The arrow can only be used by pulling it backwards; so when life is dragging you back…keep aim, keep focus and it may just shoot you into something great”

I could sit here and write about heartbreak, which was definitely felt, but I’d rather write about trust.  I learned that you must be weary of trusting too quickly and too much.  I nearly made the biggest mistake of my life by putting my future and my heart in the safekeeping of someone who was wreckless in their words and actions.  But now looking back on the situation, I thank this person for finally realizing the weight their words played on my life and letting me go.  It may have been a very dark period for me at first, but prevented me from making a terrible mistake that could have cost me my future.  The Indian arrow on my back is my representation of this life lesson.

“It’s okay to let go, it just may plant the seeds to something more beautiful”

This last year also taught me that people will move on whether you like it or not.  Past loves…friends… they move on and they create new lives.  And the only way to be at peace with this is to move on yourself.  This does not mean completely ‘let go’, but move on and find happiness in new things and new people.  And as I look in the mirror every morning, I am reminded of this lesson by my dandelion tattoo. 

“If you can’t live longer, live deeper”

Not all that happened in 2014 was a let down.  Quite the contrary, actually.  I continued to travel extensively.  Berlin, Rio, Sao Paulo (twice), Milan, Rome, BVI, Miami, Paris (twice), Prague, London (4 times), Barcelona, San Francisco, New York City, New Orleans, Amsterdam, Istanbul… These are places that some can only dream of going to in a year, but this has become my reality and I am most grateful.  It’s the Italian proverb that states “if you can’t live longer, live deeper” and this is what I intend to continue living by in 2015.  Continuing to enrich my life by seeing new places and meeting new people. 

As I said before... This year is different and so I have made my resolutions.

Health resolutions:

1. Drink more water.

2. Choose clean foods over processed food; no matter how much more difficult it is to cook it.  This means no more ramen! (oh, the horror)

3. Consume less alcohol.  Don’t say yes to the early morning drinks people offer. (I'll thank myself the next morning)

4. Workout at least 3 times a week. 

Lifestyle resolutions:

1. Call my friends and family more often.

2. Pay off one credit card in full and cut it up.

3. Wake up earlier in the mornings...well, at least by a little.

Now let's see if I actually achieve these....

Cheers - S.

My Year as 28

All in all, my year as a 28 year old was a good one that taught me a lot of things.  It may have had its ups and downs, but in the end, it shaped my life in a positive way.

This was the year I’d be the maid of honor for my best friend’s wedding and see her be happier than she’s ever been.  It's hard to explain just how amazing it feels to stand there and watch your best friend walk down the aisle towards the man that she loves. And how it actually feels even better to look over and see him be even more happier.  To approve of this man and to know that he is exactly what she needs...it doesn't get better than that.

The year I’d become an aunt to a beautiful, happy baby girl…Ella. The first in our family! I'm sad I can't be closer to watch her grow up, but I'll do everything I can to be there for important life events and to make sure she knows she's got a pretty cool aunt out there that loves her to death.

The year I’d move to Switzerland and learn just how little you need to actually get by as an expat in a brand new country.  When you cook and eat pasta with just a knife because that's all the silverware you have...or when you open up a wine bottle with that same knife, or at least tried to, just to end up pushing the cork into the bottle because you are desperate to drink that wine.  Being without any of my household belongings for a full 2 months wasn't easy, but you sure do learn new and creative ways of doing things.  

The year I’d have to leave my kitty, Bella, behind with the hopes that she would be happier that way.  And thankfully...she seems to be.  And I think my grandma is happier too now that she has her.  It's really hard to do something like this because it felt like I was abandoning her, but now when I see how she is more playful than ever and most importantly, how much happiness she brings to my grandma... I know I've done the right thing.  

The year I’d learn how to ski, despite hating winter and the cold. Yep. This may seem like a small achievement, but if you understood how very much I hated the cold growing up, you'd understand how big this was for me.  The new ski season has just begun, so this year will be all about improving.  Bring it on!

The year I’d travel to 12 countries and about 25 cities in just 10 short months and have one of these trips be truly life changing.  Most people can only dream of visiting the places I've visited this year.  For that, I am truly thankful for this life.  And I cannot say enough about how my trip to Croatia completely changed my appreciation for living a simple life as long as it's filled with good people and good times.  

The year I’d get my heart broken…again…but then turn around to find someone that I’d drop everything for and fly to Brazil, just to see him for 48 hours.  When you find someone that you just know is right for you, you'd do anything and that's exactly what I did.  This wasn't without difficulty though, of course, because silly me forgot about the visa requirements and almost didn't make my way into the country.  Thank goodness for all those amazing friends I met in Croatia ;) 

The year I’d finally decide to search for my real father.  And then find him, against all odds.  You may ask "Why now at 28?"  That is a very good question that I don't really have a good answer for.  I guess I just felt like it was the right time.  Maybe my curiosity finally got the better of me.  I don't really know. All I can say is that I'm glad I did.  He's a wonderful and welcoming person and the outcome of finding him couldn't have turned out any better.  

So yeah... I'd say it's been a pretty amazing year for me.  I'll miss being 28, but I'm excited about what 29 will bring.  Fingers crossed that it will kick 28's ass!  

The trip that changed my life - The Yacht Week Croatia

My expectations were high to begin with.  I watched and re-watched the YouTube video over and over again and with every second that got me closer, I was so excited I could hardly contain myself.  

The day had finally come though and it was Day 1 of Yacht Week. My crew and I arrived and before we even signed the papers, we ordered a beer.  We were greeted by cute Crew members and our Skipper, Ollie, who we'd later find out would become one of our best friends and would end up making our trip.  

A shockwave of euphoria passed through our bodies as we took the initial step from the dock onto the teetering vessel...the chariot that would take us through the best week of our LIVES.  I didn't know it then, but this week would be the week that changed me as a person and would change my entire outlook on life.  This, my friends, is THE YACHT WEEK.

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I didn't think it was possible, but each day was better than the last.  It didn't matter how sick I was, how tired, or how bumped and bruised we all were...we made the most of what we had.  

Our boats were filthy and our luggage took up 95% of our sleep space...

We had 1-3 hours of sleep per night, if we were unlucky enough to pass out before the sunrise...

And when we did sleep, we'd wake up in a hammock, in the sail, on the top of the boat, on the dock, in a catamaran net that didn't belong to you...but NEVER in a designated bed...because that was just, well, weird...

We were deathly sick...all of us...

The bruises I witnessed were some of the craziest bruises i've ever seen...

We ate very little food throughout the week and replaced it with the most amount of alcohol i've ever been around...

Yet, all of these "negatives" were viewed as positives by the BEAUTIFUL people on this trip. These people have now become my lifelong friends.  They are located all around the globe, but I will NEVER forget them.  I woke up every morning forgetting their names, but I refuse to forget their faces.  These people have changed my life for the better.  

I can't find the right words to use, but everyone was just READY.  Ready to take in all of what the week had to offer.  Ready to love one another and love our surroundings.  

All I can say to everyone is THANK YOU.  Thank you for the experience of a lifetime, because honestly, one hasn't lived until they've lived the Yacht Week Life!  My initial expectations were surpassed.  

Yours Truly ~  BUTTERFLY on the loose ;) 

My New York

In my 5 years of living in this city, I’ve learned all the essentials and then some.  I learned to avoid the subway at rush hour. I learned to tip cabbies and servers well. If you see something, say something. Buckle up. Stand clear of closing doors…yada yada yada. 

But here is what it’s like to actually be a New Yorker:

You'll always feel good when asked for directions and bad when you don't have the right answers.

Anytime you leave your apartment you’ll spend money…it’s a just a given, so plan on it.

Two words for survival...Duane.  Reade. 

Make friends in the nightlife business.  Otherwise, get used to dealing with bouncers and waiting in long lines in the freezing cold. 

Toughen up - literally.  For some reason even two bags of groceries become heavy when you have to carry them home.

And on that note…save your credit cards to seamlessweb.com or delivery.com but do not allow yourself to access these websites at 4am.  You’ll just end up waking up to French fries EVERYWHERE.  True story (Andie and Hayley).

Doormen become family…I mean, they are the ones watching over your precious packages and let’s be honest, you’ll end up ordering EVERYTHING online at one time or another. 

Every beautiful man is probably gay, or at least will be one day.  If you are really interested, ask if they are “bi-curious”...if not, you’ll need to just get over it. 

The red hand sign on corners that means “stop” doesn’t actually apply to this city.

Your Louboutin bottoms will NOT last on these sidewalks…so get a good shoe repair guy.  I recommend Leather Spa.

Don’t waste a New Yorkers time.  We aren’t rude, we are busy.  Huge difference.

People who fall over when the subway starts will get laughed at.  We can tell you are from out of town when this happens, so just hold on, asshole.

Cabbies are the greatest people on earth, at least for fifteen minutes. Some of my favorite conversations have been with cabbies, because there is a curious intimacy that develops when you both know you will only share 10 blocks together in this lifetime.

I did not learn how to walk and text at the same time, because if I had, maybe I wouldn’t have dropped and cracked my iPhone (three times).  I still always do it though.

And last but not least….

New York is a lonely place. But in New York, you’re never alone.  

New York City

This city is intoxicating.

There are times I walk down the street and think to myself how lucky I am that I live in this city and then sometimes I look around and wonder how much longer it's going to take for it to completely eat me alive.

This came across my facebook the other day...

"NY 1o1: I'll rob you and cheat you. It'll take your friends and turn them on you. It'll kick your ass and break your heart. But then it'll pick you up again, make you feel so totally alive and untouchable. It's the center of the world, it's the best place in the world, and once it's in your heart, it'll never leave you."

NYC plays with my emotions. It's a fucking rollercoaster. One day I want to stay here forever and then the next day I want to run away to a foreign country as fast as I possibly can. ?!?!?

Follow the yellow brick road

Whenever people talk about "Grandpa and Stacey" they can't help but reference the Wizard of Oz. It was our thing....our bond. That's why at 17, when I attended his wake and they played "Somewhere over the rainbow" specifically for me (well, I guess for him too), I knew watching that movie or hearing that song would never be the same for me.

That's why when I decided to get a tattoo at 20, there was no doubt in my mind would it would be...

Ruby Red Slippers, of course.

I love tattoos, but could never bring myself to get something so permanent unless it meant a lot to me. One things for sure - I've never regretted getting that tattoo.

Anyhow - last Saturday I was walking around Soho with Hayley and passed a really nice tattoo parlor called "Wooster Street Social Club". Because of my love for tattoos (it's really tempting not to get many many more), I've been wanting to add to my ruby reds. It may sound a little reckless, but I went in, asked when they could do something for me, they said "tomorrow at noon", I said okay, and booked my time.

Sunday at noon - I was there before they even opened. I didn't have a picture or drawing of what I wanted - all I knew is that it needed to be a brick road and it needed to be BIG.

I feel like I have to defend my spontaneity a little. Once my friends start saying "Stace" after their comments, I know they don't approve haha. I know them too well. I've gotten a couple "omg that's huge, Stace, what were you thinking" or "isn't that a bit much, Stace"...I've also gotten "I liked just the ruby reds alone, but if you like it that's all that matters, Stace". Luke Wessman, who has appeared on Miami Ink and NY Ink drew my brick road for me and brightened my ruby reds. Even he was questing me before he started, but I insisted I wanted it.

I cannot explain how happy I am that I did it. I've never been closer to anyone in my life, as I was my Grandpa. I was his little princess and he showed me how truly loving a man could be. Everyday I have to look in the mirror and see this tattoo. And every day I look, I smile.

That's why I did it.

Round the World

A friend of mine was recently laid-off, yet instead of allowing this to drag her down, she decided to take off and just "see what happens".

Admiration.

That's what I feel for what she's doing. I've always been called the "independent one" by a lot of my friends, but when I think about doing something like this on my own...it scares the living hell out of me. I'd probably still do it, but traveling alone through Europe, Asia, etc seems scary to do all alone. Maybe it's more that I'm afraid of being lonely. I like to have a travel buddy. That's one of the main benefits to having a bf/gf, in my opinion! But...I digress about relationships.

Anyway - I've been reading her blogs and I'm so envious of her experiences. Even the very small details of her trips seem so fascinating to me! It's sort of like "Eat, Love, Pray" but it's really happening to someone I know. After I was finished reading the book and watching the movie, I can't explain how inspired I was or how many times I imaged myself riding a bike through a little town and working for Ketut (lol).

I have to admit...I've been living a little vicariously through her blogs while at work this week :) .

One and only?

Does it even exist?

The divorce rates in America are well over 50% of marriages. The more you get married, the more your chances of divorce become higher.

This sucks.

My family has always joked that I would be the last to get married out of all my cousins – and so far, they’ve been right, despite being the oldest. Have I really been so cynical about marriage for them to think that it’ll just NEVER happen with me? Maybe.

I want to believe that I am capable of loving just one person unconditionally for the rest of my life, but can I? And even if I could, would he be able to love me the same way? Mathematically, the odds of both people loving one another the same way are really not good. It’s sort of depressing and has led me to think that maybe it’s better to just never try. But then again there is that saying “it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all”. Do I believe this saying? Hmm - I just don’t know.

I know plenty of young married couples that are just not satisfied with the decision they made to get married. This is evident by the amount of affairs I hear about. Maybe it’s human nature to want to be with many different partners? If this is true, then the idea of marriage is just stupid. But even if you believe this "human nature" idea, could you ever really become comfortable with someone you love being with other people? I know I couldn’t. Whether it’s reasonable or not, I want to be loved unconditionally. Call me a silly romantic (people who know me might laugh at this) but I think it’s a nice thought.

My Waning Confidence

I’ve been told that my confident exterior is sometimes overpowering. And I admit there have been times where I’ve been overly confident in myself...sometimes to my detriment. This confidence level has turned people off to me or they just saw me as being naive. Hmm, maybe I was.

My confidence level has significantly changed in the last two years though. I almost miss my naivety.

The more I grow-up, the more my trust in people gets rocked. This is what shakes my confidence...not only in myself, but also in others around me. I question things that I used to allow roll off my shoulders without a second thought.

When will I find my middle ground?

The Great Divide

Whether I want to believe it or not, there is (and will always be) a great divide between single girls and relationship girls. I never really considered myself a “relationship girl” while in college. Sure, I had a boyfriend that lasted a year, but I focused primarily on myself and my success during those years, so I never quite experienced this divide in full effect. Yet, since my graduation day, I’ve yet to go an entire month without being truly single….and it’s been 3 years.

I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with this, but this “Great Divide” that I speak of has smacked me in the face a couple of times because of my interminable relationship status. Lately I’ve been noticing how much my single friends are on the prowl when they go out and it must be such a drag to bring a friend that can’t act as a wingman (-woman) without feeling guilty. I get it – I’d probably do the same.

All these friends seem to stick together and grow closer to one another – I mean, why wouldn’t they? They have something in common that I can no longer relate to. Our thrills and our woes are just different from one another now. I guess that’s just how it goes?