In my 5 years of living in this city, I’ve learned all the
essentials and then some. I
learned to avoid the subway at rush hour. I learned to tip cabbies and servers
well. If you see something, say something. Buckle up. Stand clear of closing
doors…yada yada yada.
But here is what it’s like to actually be a New Yorker:
You'll always feel good when asked for directions and bad when you
don't have the right answers.
Anytime you leave your apartment you’ll spend money…it’s a just a
given, so plan on it.
Two words for survival...Duane.
Reade.
Make friends in the nightlife business. Otherwise, get used to dealing with bouncers and waiting in
long lines in the freezing cold.
Toughen up - literally.
For some reason even two bags of groceries become heavy when you have to
carry them home.
And on that note…save your credit cards to seamlessweb.com or
delivery.com but do not allow yourself to access these websites at 4am. You’ll just end up waking up to French
fries EVERYWHERE. True story
(Andie and Hayley).
Doormen become family…I mean, they are the ones watching over your
precious packages and let’s be honest, you’ll end up ordering EVERYTHING online
at one time or another.
Every beautiful man is probably gay, or at least will be one day. If you are really interested, ask if
they are “bi-curious”...if not, you’ll need to just get over it.
The red hand sign on corners that means “stop” doesn’t actually
apply to this city.
Your Louboutin bottoms will NOT last on these sidewalks…so
get a good shoe repair guy. I
recommend Leather Spa.
Don’t waste a New Yorkers time. We aren’t rude, we are busy. Huge difference.
People who fall over when the subway starts will get
laughed at. We can tell you are
from out of town when this happens, so just hold on, asshole.
Cabbies are the greatest people on earth, at least for
fifteen minutes. Some of my favorite conversations have been with cabbies,
because there is a curious intimacy that develops when you both know you will
only share 10 blocks together in this lifetime.
I did not learn how to walk and text at the same time,
because if I had, maybe I wouldn’t have dropped and cracked my iPhone (three
times). I still always do it
though.
And last but not least….
New York is a lonely place. But in New York, you’re never
alone.
