Round the World

A friend of mine was recently laid-off, yet instead of allowing this to drag her down, she decided to take off and just "see what happens".

Admiration.

That's what I feel for what she's doing. I've always been called the "independent one" by a lot of my friends, but when I think about doing something like this on my own...it scares the living hell out of me. I'd probably still do it, but traveling alone through Europe, Asia, etc seems scary to do all alone. Maybe it's more that I'm afraid of being lonely. I like to have a travel buddy. That's one of the main benefits to having a bf/gf, in my opinion! But...I digress about relationships.

Anyway - I've been reading her blogs and I'm so envious of her experiences. Even the very small details of her trips seem so fascinating to me! It's sort of like "Eat, Love, Pray" but it's really happening to someone I know. After I was finished reading the book and watching the movie, I can't explain how inspired I was or how many times I imaged myself riding a bike through a little town and working for Ketut (lol).

I have to admit...I've been living a little vicariously through her blogs while at work this week :) .

One and only?

Does it even exist?

The divorce rates in America are well over 50% of marriages. The more you get married, the more your chances of divorce become higher.

This sucks.

My family has always joked that I would be the last to get married out of all my cousins – and so far, they’ve been right, despite being the oldest. Have I really been so cynical about marriage for them to think that it’ll just NEVER happen with me? Maybe.

I want to believe that I am capable of loving just one person unconditionally for the rest of my life, but can I? And even if I could, would he be able to love me the same way? Mathematically, the odds of both people loving one another the same way are really not good. It’s sort of depressing and has led me to think that maybe it’s better to just never try. But then again there is that saying “it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all”. Do I believe this saying? Hmm - I just don’t know.

I know plenty of young married couples that are just not satisfied with the decision they made to get married. This is evident by the amount of affairs I hear about. Maybe it’s human nature to want to be with many different partners? If this is true, then the idea of marriage is just stupid. But even if you believe this "human nature" idea, could you ever really become comfortable with someone you love being with other people? I know I couldn’t. Whether it’s reasonable or not, I want to be loved unconditionally. Call me a silly romantic (people who know me might laugh at this) but I think it’s a nice thought.

My Waning Confidence

I’ve been told that my confident exterior is sometimes overpowering. And I admit there have been times where I’ve been overly confident in myself...sometimes to my detriment. This confidence level has turned people off to me or they just saw me as being naive. Hmm, maybe I was.

My confidence level has significantly changed in the last two years though. I almost miss my naivety.

The more I grow-up, the more my trust in people gets rocked. This is what shakes my confidence...not only in myself, but also in others around me. I question things that I used to allow roll off my shoulders without a second thought.

When will I find my middle ground?